I have to talk to people?

Apologies in advance if this post is scatter-brained. I have been thinking a lot about the people in my life. I also have to go my hubby’s co-worker’s wedding tomorrow. I’m not a fan of crowds of people and meeting new people.

Hubby and I went to a baseball game last month and I had 3 panic attacks. There were way too many people I didn’t know. When I was younger, you could drop me into a crowd, and I’d come out with 5 new friends. Now, I don’t even like going to the mall. Too many people, cars, and whatever else triggers my anxiety. I basically stay in my house’s bubble and I am content with that. (Mostly)

Tomorrow, I want to look amazing. I want hubby’s co-workers to be jealous of his beautiful, awesomely nerdy wife. Think what you want, but I am very self-conscious. I also know how awesome a wife and person I can be. Here’s the rub; I don’t like meeting or talking to new people anymore. I really don’t. I will only know hubby for sure. There might be the random one, maybe two, people that also know the bride and groom.

I have very few people I consider friends. The ones I have, I’ve known for a LONG time (and you know who you are) and the ones, I made a few years ago and have proven themselves to be worthy. (I know that sounds conceded, but I really don’t let many people in.) I also know, that if I call you a friend, I will be there for you! I had a buddy, he was having so many problems, just bad days. He came over to my house and we talked and drank and I tried my best to help him.

I also don’t sugar coat my feelings. If you have earned the title friend, I’ll tell you exactly how I feel and why I feel it. You came to my house because you knew this. That is what you needed to hear. I also don’t care if you take my advice or not. It’s your life! Come here, listen to what I have to say, and take it or leave it. PERIOD. But know, I will still be there for you no matter what.

I will never judge you. Chances are, our roles were reversed at some point. I came to you with a problem and you listened, told me what you thought, and didn’t judge. And that is why we are still friends. The very few new friends I’ve made, have been very good to me. They understand my anxiety when leaving my house, or they just understand how much work it can be to leave my house.

I also have a very viscous side. If you Betray my friendship, we are done.

I will not tolerate poison in my life.

This post definitely got away from me.

I hope you made it through this post and my random thoughts and ravings. I really do hope you have an awesome day!