Who runs your house?

I would love to sit here and blow the same smoke up your ass that I do mine everyday but, I don’t run my house. I tell myself I do, and it looks like I do. I mean, I do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, and management of the house but I don’t run it.

I’ll tell you who does run my house, My Kids!

They are the reason I wake up in the morning, and not the “oh, how sweet” crap. The time. I set alarms when my kids have school, I rarely hear them because my twins wake up before that. They also don’t let me sleep through the night, or nap. So they rule my sleep schedule.

I’m also a smoker. I don’t smoke in the house, so I have to go outside. It’s a nice little five minute break, right? No… They are at the window banging on it and asking me questions I can’t hear. Today, I looked up and the twins were butt naked. In three minutes! It seems like every time I take a five minute break, I come back into a huge mess of some kind. And no, I’m not going to quit, so save your breathe.

“Oh, Mama, did you need to take a poop? Lemme help you!” Contrary to popular belief, I can do that by myself. By the way if you leave your phone, I’ll throw it. Drink will be spilled and the remote will be missing! Yay, pee breaks.

“Were you trying to watch this movie, Mama? Let me make as much noise as possible until you pause it. When you pause it, I will be quiet, I promise.” Four hours later, I’ve finished a 2 1/2 hour movie. Meanwhile, I watched 3 hours of Paw Patrol before I started my movie.

I have to inform guests to keep all their shit with them, or put it up high, because my twins will go through your shit. Now, I don’t really care, but I’m sure you do. They stole a gift card out of my sister’s purse a while ago and I happened to find it. (I gave it back, not my style of store.)

Last night, I was getting ready to take a nice hot bubble bath. The tub was almost full and I was getting a towel. I glanced into the twins room, and there was Anthony, butt naked and shit all over the floor. Of course he pooped into a brand new diaper, took his pajamas off, and threw everything on the floor. So I cleaned it up while my bath got cold.

“Did you want this nice (fill in the blank), Mama?” Too Bad!

My older boys are on spring break this week, and maybe that’s part of the frustration I’m having. I’m also really tired. I will maintain the lie that I run my house, but I’m happy I realized the truth.

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Too early for a beer?

So, life has been trying it’s best to break me. I’m doing my best to not let it, but it’s getting to be too much.

Examples? Sure! I have been spring cleaning like crazy lately. I really want to paint my house (give it a newer look). I accomplished the cleaning and painted my kitchen! The color is a bright mint green and my kitchen looks fresh and new, that was good. and then two days ago, my basement flooded, AGAIN! I was trying to do laundry because I didn’t while I was painting my kitchen and getting it ready. Plumbers came out, snaked the line, should’ve worked.

I didn’t feel like doing laundry yesterday, so I didn’t. This morning I put a load in the washer, went to throw it in the dryer, and BOOM! Water fucking everywhere, AGAIN! Plumber comes back out and they need to snake a different line. Now, I suppose I could’ve done the laundry and made a nasty lake for my kids in the basement. I’m pretty sure that’s a terrible idea. So I’m a week behind on the laundry for 7 people. Yay! Now I’ll have to spend the entire weekend doing laundry instead of relaxing.

Meanwhile, the twins aren’t napping as much as they used to. We were down to one, two hours nap. That was two hours that I could accomplished chores or actually hear a TV show. I have tried putting them down later in the day and that seemed to help for a while. I try to “ignore” them in the hopes that they will realize I’m not going to let them out, and they should just take a nap. Yesterday, when I finally gave up on them actually taking a nap, I went in and they didn’t have diapers on! They managed to unsnap the onesies and get them off. AWESOME! The onesies were the only thing stopping them from running around naked all day.

We have “started” the potty training learning. We have the training potties and sit on it in the mornings. They are not quite ready to actually use it all the time. They understand the idea of peeing in the potty but not when to sit on the potty. They also love to play in the toilets now, they learned how to flush them. Yay!

They also learned how to open and dump out all my spices. I had to buy more garlic salt and thyme because they dumped them all over the floor. I’m running out of places to put things where they can’t reach them. I recently put up a shelf in my living room so I had a place to put my purse and book I’m currently reading. It’s a giant book and they took out the bookmark one day, in the middle of a chapter, that I couldn’t remember which number I was on. That was a fun 30 minutes trying to find the page again.

I guess that’s just what a Mama of 2 year old twins deal with. Thanks for letting me bitch about things and reading today! Have a good one!

 

Why do I have to be the A** hole?

I don’t know where to start this. It’s been a long time since I’ve written a post. I’ve been keeping busy with all these damn kids, and they are driving me insane. No one knows how to listen anymore, maybe they never knew how to. I’m doing what I can to not raise ass holes, but that usually means I have to be one. It’s a decent trade-off for the future. I just get tired of doing it sometimes.

Today I had to wrestle my eight year old and dress him like a baby. He didn’t want to go to school. That’s his one job and he does that at least once a month. It infuriates me. He starts spring break next week and I tried to explain nicely that there were only 5 days left and then he get a whole week off. He wanted nothing to do with it. So what am I supposed to do? Give in? Let him take another day off from school? Nope, sorry kiddo, not happening. So I’m the ass hole because he had to go to school.

On top of that nonsense, the twins (2) were into everything this morning. They took a sugar bowl, full of Splenda, and dumped it into my favorite chair. I needed to get the vacuum out in order to clean it up. So I’m the ass hole because they hate the vacuum. They started to draw on the walls, with whatever they can find, including my face scrub, toothpaste, and pencils. They definitely keep me busy.

Since I share custody with the other three older boys, I’m almost always the bad guy. They get away with damn near everything at their dads’ houses. I’m the ass hole when I tell them to eat, so they don’t die. I won’t let them watch TV until 10 o’clock on a school night. Oh yea, and I make them help around the house. Worst mama, ever.

Mornings like today, ruin the rest of my day. It’s my wedding anniversary today, so I’m going to try my best to not let it ruin the day. We’ve been married 5 years, which is a record. Well, that’s all I have for today. I hope you have a great day and thanks for reading.

Why do I even try?

Today is my usual “clean the house” day. I pick up the toys that will be on the ground again 10 minutes (if I’m lucky) later. I sweep the floors so the twins can just throw their Cheerios on the ground and then stomp on them again. I fold loads and loads of laundry, only to have the clothes get thrown all over the floor, or (if I’m lucky) into the drawers where they actually go.

There are days, that I don’t try, and it shows. Toys are everywhere, no clean dishes or clothes and my kids ask why. Why? Because I didn’t feel like doing the same thing fifteen times today.

Today, I tried. I was cleaning up the kitchen and I realized the twins weren’t taking the spoons out of the dishwasher. I went to go look for them and I found them in the bathroom…putting kitty litter and a whole, almost brand new box, of tampons into the toilet.

So my kitchen is cleaned, for the most part, now. And the bathroom is a disaster. The LEGOS are, again, all over the floor.

No one ever said, “Being a stay-at-home mom is easy!” Honestly, if someone said that to me, I would probably punch them in the face and we wouldn’t be friends anymore. It is the definition of a never ending battle. Yay, I cleaned up the kitchen! Fuck, the twins got into everything else in the house. Now I have to go clean up this mess. And the next minute they are in the trash, in the kitchen, Great!

My birthday was earlier this week and I spent the day cleaning the house, shoveling the snow, and making dinner. I haven’t had a “day off” in two weeks. By “day off” I mean sleeping in, and not doing too many chores. Saturdays are my clean up days because Sundays are my “days off”. I try my best to get the house at least half decent so I can sit and read my book, or work on my crossword puzzles.

I try because I care. I try because it keeps me busy. I try because I love my family and want them to have clean clothes, a nice meal, and not to die on the insane amount of toys that end up on the floor. It’s not easy to care about all of them, the house, the chores.

Some days, I just want to stay in bed, all day. Let them figure out what to do. But I can’t, so I don’t.

Hubby is good about saying the house looks nice when he comes home from work. That helps. The boys thank me for dinner, most of the time. Samantha said she loved me after she got smacked on the hand because of the litter in the toilet and saw how upset I was.

Some days I can’t stand my life, usually on the really bad ones. Most days I love what I do for my family. After all, what would they do without me?

Thanks for reading today, and I apologize for my absence, but now you why.

“What do your kids want for Christmas?”

Tis the season.

I get this question a lot this time of year, obviously. As a Mama, I know what my kids want and I’m begging you to listen to what I have to say before you buy any kid a present. (Especially if you don’t have kids.)

Please, by all means, spoil my kids. I do have a few requests, however.

  1. I know you will go to the aisles and play with all the cool toys. Go there first, put it in your cart, and touch the buttons for the entire rest of your trip. If you can handle the toys’ noise for your entire store trip, consider buying it.
  2. PLEASE, make sure it has an “Off switch” I know it sounds like common sense, but some toys don’t. Have you ever been awaken at 3 a.m. from a “demon toy” singing the ABC song? I have, and it scares the shit out of me.
  3. Buy the batteries the toy requires. There is nothing worse than Christmas morning, and their favorite new toy is here, and I don’t have the batteries to power the damn thing.
  4. I volume button would be lovely. I understand some toys don’t have them (they ALL should)!
  5. Please don’t get them a game with 952 pieces. 900 of those pieces will be missing an hour after they open the game. It amazes me, still, that they can lose 90% of the game so quickly. (They can. Trust me.)
  6. Please, don’t expect them to remember, play with, or even know where the toy is located in a month. They are only kids.

This is Grinchy Mama’s advice of presents for my kids.

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!

Why are my dishes blue?

Last night, like most every other night, I did the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. Turned it on, and forgot about them.

This morning, I was getting the boys ready for school, and all the dishes were blue!

At first, I thought maybe it was the dishwasher tab thing I used to clean them. I haven’t changed soaps in a long time, so I knew that wasn’t it. I started thinking maybe there was a crayon, or something, in it. Well, I was right!

I took the bottom rack out and found the crayon paper, it was blue. Mystery solved.

I just got finished re-washing all the dishes I had already washed from yesterday. They are sitting on top of my counter drying. I cleaned out as much crayon residue as I could, in the hopes that it will help. I’m currently running it with like 5 dishes in there. It seems like a huge waste of water and soap, but I’m hoping it will clean itself out. I also left a few clear cups in there to see if I need to hand wash them again.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to take the dishes FROM the dish washer to clean them? My brain was freaking out! That’s the opposite motion than I’ve done thousands of times. It was bizarre. My body was trying to reject the motion.

So know I know to double check for crayons at the bottom of the dishwasher before running it. I also know that the water gets hot enough to melt a crayon and sent it shooting through the entire dishwasher. Yay me!

Thanks for reading today, and I hope this made you smile a little.

What if I get sick too?

As a mama, I’m no stranger to sickness.

Yesterday, around 3 in the afternoon, my husband started to not feel so well. (Maybe it was the poor performance by the Broncos, but he is not a fan, so I doubt it.) A few hours later he became violently ill. I am a good wife, so I tried my best to help him feel better.

A little after dinner, Anthony (23 months) started throwing up as well. I knew I as in for a long night. He threw up quite a few times in his bed. After a while, I just had him sitting up with me and saved myself some laundry. (I had already done one load of blankets and sheets.) He finally fell asleep and stayed that way through the night. The same could not be said for a few other people.

Around midnight, I heard Luke (9), throwing up in the bathroom. So I got up to check on him. He wasn’t feeling well, obviously, so I got him some water and tucked him back in. He was up a few more times after that. Hubby was also up a few times during the night as well.

As I was laying in bed, not feeling so great, I decided I was not going to let the sickness get me. I woke up with everyone, still not feeling the best, but went to the store for some ingredients for dinner. I needed some chicken for soup. I figured on the off chance I did get sick later today, at least my family would have some dinner. So I threw it in my slow cooker. Homemade chicken noodle soup!

I quarantined the house, so if anyone decides to show up, they are not welcome. (Sorry, not today. You’ll thank me later.) Hubby stayed home from work and I kept the kids out of school. Hopefully this is a 24 hour bug and everyone starts feeling better soon. I’m sitting here with a cup of tea, trying my best to stay healthy so I can properly care for my family. (Wish me luck!)

I hope you enjoyed reading this and sorry it’s been so long in between posts, I’ll try to get better about that.

Have a great day.

Do you like Halloween?

I don’t just like Halloween, I love it! IMG_1361

This is the graveyard and some webs in my front yard. I can’t take all the credit, they are my friend’s and he is letting me borrow them this year. I’m throwing the first annual Halloween block party on Saturday. And the best part…I get All my boys!

I really don’t talk too much about my older boys, as they are in school and rocking it! I also have to share them with their dads. I asked the dads if I could please have them this year. They all said YES! I’m so excited! I’m cleaning out the garage for pumpkin carving and festivities.

We have creepy guys hanging from the ceiling and spiders and webs every where. It’s going to be amazing. I’m making some blood-shot eye deviled eggs, some garden “crow” soup (chicken noodle), and I was also thinking about making some pumpkin curry. (Why not?)

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This guy is my favorite! He is sitting in the spot where a tree once stood and it just worked! It already looked like a fresh grave, so why not add the bones?

My friend, is also I pirate, and hung a lot of skeletons from my garage and above my front door.

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This is honestly, just a taste of what is to come! Luke (9) is going to be Captain Jack Sparrow, Ronin (7) is going to be the Ragnarok Hulk, James (4) is going to be Batman. I think I’m going to dress Anthony (22 mon) as a Jedi and Samantha (22 mon) as a fairy princess. She loves to wear tutus and the fairy wings I bought for her. As for me, I’m changing it up this year, and I’m going to be a pirate as well. I normally dress as a Star Wars character, but wanted to do something a little different. Hubby is going to be the Ghost Rider, (an excuse to show off his motorcycle) but the party, hopefully, will be in the garage.

I’ll take more pictures on Saturday and share (if you want) and thanks for reading today! Have a Happy Halloween!!!

How did you get that?

My twins are now 22 months! I honestly can not believe we have survived the last 22 months. It’s getting a little easier. They are walking to the van on their own, so I don’t need to carry the babies in the car seats and break my back anymore. (Yay!) So that’s the good news. The bad news; they are EVERYWHERE and into EVERYTHING!

Anthony learned how to climb the ladder to the top bunk. He can also climb into Samantha’s crib. He is a little spider monkey! I went into the kitchen the other day and he was sitting in the cabinet, with the door closed. It’s only the pots and pans cabinet, so he wasn’t in trouble. They get into the dish washer and pull out dishes. They also can reach on the counters now, so everything needs to be pushed all the way back. The drive me crazy!

You can’t leave anything important where they can reach it. You left your coffee on the table? Well, now the coffee is on the ground and your mug is broken. Remote on the coffee table? Good job, Paw Patrol is on and so are the captions. That’s right, they figured out how to get Paw Patrol on the TV! I’m really not sure how they do it, but they did. They lose their minds when it turns on! It’s really cute. Samantha dances and Anthony jumps all over the place. (Sorry for the tangent.) You left your phone somewhere? Now, you’re locked out for an hour. Purse on the table? Car keys are missing and so is your wallet. (They can also do zippers now, great!)

I’ve had to buy three new toothbrushes in the last 2 months because they climb onto the toilet and grab the brush holder. They hid my toothbrushes and the soap dispenser. About a week later, I was cleaning under the boys’ bed, and found the soap thing. But no toothbrushes. (It happens.)

They are extremely smart and cute, but they drive me crazy! Thanks for reading today, I hope you enjoyed!

“Why is it so dark Mama?”

Yesterday we had the first snow fall of the season! It wasn’t supposed to be a terrible storm, but I ended up with about 3 inches.

We also lost power in the morning. It was only out for about 2 hours, which isn’t too bad. Except, my boys’ school also lost power. They were thrilled! a “snow day” in October. I was not as happy.

It also didn’t help that the coffee was not hot. I had one cup of hot coffee, right before the power went out, and then a few luke warm ones. Super bummer! I need coffee to function in the morning. Luckily, the power came back on at 0945, first thing I did was make another pot of coffee.

I had to deal with falling tree branches hitting my roof and freaking me out. I have two very old, giant trees in my backyard and they still had a ton of leaves on them. The first branch fell right above the window in the kitchen that I look out while doing dishes. That one scared me the most, it was loud and made the lights shake. The other two weren’t as terrible but still got my adrenalin flowing.

Really, not a big deal. I got dinner cooked, everyone ate, and I was doing the dishes. Hubby was watching Monday night football and power went out again! This time, it was really dark. The twins and boys got really scared and screamed. I scrambled to find a lighter and some candles.

A few minutes later our friends came over for game night. We hang out in the candle light for about 45 minutes. Now, I didn’t really care about the football game last night. I already lost my fantasy football matchup by 2 points on Sunday night.

I was, however, looking forward to the trailer for Star Wars VIII The Last Jedi! I realized we were going to miss it unless the power came back on. I started to say it aloud and the lights flickered back on! As if the Force, felt my pain and fixed the problem! Right as the dish reset and turned the game back on, the trailer started! I was very pleased with the timing and the trailer for my favorite movies.

Well that is really the only exciting thing that’s happened to me in a while. Thanks for reading today!